


What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)

by allfordean



Series: Genderqueer Castiel [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Dean, Genderqueer Castiel, M/M, Mentions of Homophobia/Cissexism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1882812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allfordean/pseuds/allfordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean begins to suspect that Castiel's fondness of flowers isn't just another of his friend's cute quirks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)

**Author's Note:**

> Being genderqueer, myself, (though, unlike Cas, biologically female), I felt the need to write this. It's going to be part of a series. There will be a prequel, about Castiel's discovery of his lack of gender, and a sequel, with a closer examination of Dean and Cas's relationship.

_Cas is a weird guy_. That was all Dean had thought when he’d caught his friend with a flower in his hair. Castiel, Dean’s best friend since the 8th grade, had picked a daisy from the other boy’s lawn and stuck it in his dark brown hair one evening as he left Dean’s house. He’d turned around and blushed when he saw Dean staring at him from his bedroom window. The 17-year-old was always doing something Dean deemed strange, so he’d simply raised a brow at his friend and thought nothing of it.

The  _first_  time, anyway.

A few weeks after the incident, which Castiel had  _apologized_  about the next day - something about feeling guilty for taking a flower, “especially considering that bees need them” - Dean was at Cas’s house when he spotted a flower crown in his room.

"Dude," the freckled 18-year-old began, gesturing at the pink and yellow flowered accessory on his friend’s dresser, "what’s up with you and flowers?"

Castiel’s eyes darted from his Literature book to the object in question. He reached out and snatched it away, tossing it under the bed he had been lying on. “Nothing.” He began to blush as he forced his attention back to his homework.

Dean cocked a brow, closing his Calculus book and jumping out of Cas’s desk chair to his feet. “Really?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"Really," Castiel answered in monotone, not looking up from his book.

"Is it Anna’s or something?"

Cas bit his lip before wincing up at Dean, who smirked because he  _knew_  he couldn’t lie to him. “No, it’s mine. And I don’t…” The boy sighed, dropping his gaze for a moment before looking back up at Dean and firmly stating, “I don’t want to talk about it any further.”

Dean raised his hands in surrender. “Okay.”

Cas let out a deep breath as he started reading once more.

"I don’t care if you like wearing flowers, Cas," Dean mumbled a few minutes later. "Just so you know."

It was a few weeks later, when Dean was at the mall with his younger brother and their friend, Charlie, that everything fell into place. The redheaded girl decided to stop in front of a clothing store.

"Aw, come on, Charlie," Dean groaned. "You promised we were here for the food court and to pick up a game. That’s it."

Charlie gestured at a dress on display in the window. It was turquoise, knee-length, and Dean was pretty sure it’d do that twirly thing at the bottom if someone spun around in it. “I know someone who’d love this dress,” Charlie argued. “I have to call them.”

Before Dean could say anything else, Charlie was pulling out her cellphone and walking into the store. He turned to his brother, who simply shrugged and followed her inside. “Aw, come on, Sam!” Dragging his feet, Dean made his way inside, shooting a fake smile at the young woman who greeted him. He came up behind Charlie just as she found the dress on a rack.

"…match the crown," the girl was saying into her phone. A pause. "What? Pink and yellow? Sure they do!"

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning against a rack momentarily before it began to roll backwards. He folded his arms over his chest when Charlie’s words registered in his brain.  _Crown_.  _Pink and yellow_. Could she be talking to…  _nah_.

Charlie sighed, moving to the end of the rack as she said, “Well, they also have it in blue. Like a deep blue.” She gasped quietly, holding one out as she looked at it. “It’d look so pretty with your eyes.”

Dean swallowed hard as he began to inch closer to his friend, earning a curious frown from Sam.

"Well how can you pick one out if you hardly ever let me take you shopping?" Charlie turned to Dean, giving him an apologetic look as she said, "Just a sec, Dean." The girl held the phone away from her ear when the voice on the other end apparently increased in volume, but Dean still couldn’t hear it. "No, he’s…," Charlie glanced at Dean before lowering her voice, "don’t worry about it. Look, it’ll still be here later this week, will you just come with me sometime after school?"

Dean’s mouth fell open as he blinked and backed away. Yeah, that was definitely Cas. It had to be. Charlie only had three friends from school: Dean, Sam, and Cas. All her other friends were either LARPers, online gamers, or hacker buddies. Dean stood frozen in shock for a moment before Charlie grabbed his arm, snapping him out of his daze.

"Next stop: food court?" she asked with a smile.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah."

"You okay, Dean?" Sam asked with raised brows.

Dean blinked, glancing at the dress on display a few feet away and trying to imagine his best friend wearing it. “Y-yeah.” The boy shook his head, forcing himself to walk out of the store as his brother and friend followed behind him. “I’m good.”

Dean couldn’t look at Castiel at school the next day. He sat behind him in English, next to him in Calculus and Chemistry, and in front if him in the rest of their shared classes. He’d offer his friend a small smile before each period, but couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eye whenever Cas talked.

 _Why does it even matter?_ , he scolded himself.  _So what if he likes dresses? I like_ him _, so I’m just as fucked up_. Dean knew Charlie would give him a piece of her mind if she caught him referring to his sexuality that way, or Cas’s… whatever Cas was. But, damn it, he was pretty sure his dad would give him a piece of  _his_  mind if he ever admitted to being bisexual, so…  _You don’t need your dad’s approval to like someone_ , he remembered Charlie saying once.

"Dean?" Castiel’s concerned tone snapped him out of his thoughts as they began walking out of their last class. "Are you alright? You’ve been… quiet. It’s uncharacteristic of you."

Dean chuckled lightly. “I guess it is.” He sighed, finally managing to meet his friend’s blue gaze. “I’m fine, Cas.”

Cas smiled at him, and, on any other day, it would have made his heart flutter. But he was too busy trying  _not_  to imagine his friend in a dress, with flowers in his hair, and makeup, and jewelry, and…  _That’s either really weird or… kinda hot._  ”Good,” Cas said.

Dean hummed as he approached his car. “Gonna ride home or walk today?” He usually dropped Cas off, but, somedays, the younger boy preferred to walk the half-mile to his house. He’d even walk home from Dean’s when they’d hang out, enjoying having half an hour to himself. He liked to think as he walked, Dean supposed.

"Actually, um…," Cas lowered his head, "I’m going-"

"Shopping?" It was out of Dean’s  mouth before he could stop himself. "For something to match that flower crown?"  _Shut up, damn it_. “Something like a dress?”  _Shit!_ Damn _it, Dean! SHUT. UP._  Dean could hardly bring himself to meet his friend’s shocked, terrified stare, but he did. “I could go with you, y’know.” And at that, Dean’s eyes widened at the same time Cas’s did. “Shit, Cas,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t… That’s probably something really, uh, personal for you, and if Charlie is the only one you feel comfortable… I wasn’t think-“

"You can come, Dean." It was with a firm, matter-of-fact voice that Cas cut Dean off. "It’s alright."

Dean blinked at his friend. “You sure? Because, I mean, if you’re just trying to make it less awkward, when it actually would be awkward for you-“

"I’m… sure."

"Oh, yeah, that’s convincing," Dean said perhaps a little too sarcastically, wincing when Castiel tightened his grip on the shoulder straps of his backpack. "I’m sorry, I just-"

"I could use a ride to the mall, anyway," Cas reasoned, giving Dean an apologetic smile. "I don’t particularly want to take the bus."

Dean smirked, opening his car door and climbing in before turning to wink up at his friend. “Baby really is the best, isn’t she? Hop in.”

"Your Impala is preferable to public transportation, yes," Cas said upon entering the car, tossing his backpack in over the seat. He buckled up in the passenger seat and cocked a brow at Dean. "I’ll never understand why you refer to a vehicle as a female, though."

Dean snorted, starting up the engine when, suddenly, a thought occurred to him: would Cas want to be called a “she”, now? What if he wanted to, like, take hormones or something? Would Dean still be attracted to Cas if he were female?

"You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?"

"Thinking about what?"

"My… gender."

Dean gulped, pulling out of his parking space as he nodded.

"I think about it, too," Castiel said as Dean left the school parking lot. "Quite a lot."

"You mean you’re… not sure you’re a guy?" Dean asked carefully. "Like you… might not want to keep your-"

Castiel shook his head. “I’m biologically male, and I’d prefer to stay that way,” he said. “I still want to use male pronouns.”

"But you just… don’t want to dress like a-"

"It’s more than how I dress, Dean," Cas stated plainly. "I don’t think of myself in terms of gender. I never have, I just… Charlie helped me to see that I don’t have to be a boy or a girl. That some people are neither. Or both."

Dean frowned. This was the first he’d heard of this. It made sense, he thought, but he would never be able to understand it the way Cas did. Dean was a boy. Undoubtedly. Through-and-through. Okay, sure, he liked guys, but that didn’t make him any less of one, despite what he thought his father might say. And maybe he’d discovered he kind of  _really liked_  wearing women’s panties, but… that didn’t mean he needed to label himself as some other gender, right? “Wait,” Dean wondered aloud as he sped up onto the freeway, “what do you call your gender, then?”

"I don’t see why I should have to name it," Cas said with a frown. "Can’t I just be…  _Castiel_?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. That’s a great thing to be, too.”

Blushing, Cas widened his eyes. “Do you really think so?”

“‘Course.” Dean bit his lip as he got in the lane for the right exit. “...You’re not the only one Charlie knows a secret about.”

"What?"

"I mean I…," Dean sighed. "Hold on."

"Dean."

"Just… let me…" Dean turned into the mall’s parking lot and took the first spot he found, not even caring about how far they’d have to walk. "Look at me," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt and turning to face his friend completely as Cas did the same. He looked at the uncertain eyes across from him and took a deep breath.  _God,_  he thought,  _this better not end badly_. “Charlie is the only one who knows I’m… I’m bi.”

"Bisexual?" Castiel asked, seemingly unsurprised.

Rolling his eyes, Dean licked his lips and nodded. “Yeah.”

"Good."

"Yeah?" Dean looked up at his friend, raising his brows.

"Yes," Cas said with a smile.

Dean frowned at his friend. “Why?”

"Because," Cas began, "that means that I haven’t been losing my mind. Every time I catch you looking at me, licking your lips when you stare at mine, or letting each small touch linger for a moment… it’s because you want it to. Because you want  _me_.”

Dean beamed at his friend. “Yeah.”

Cas’s phone buzzed then, and he read a text before nodding and opening his door. “Charlie’s wondering where I am.”

"Right," Dean said, getting out of the car and waiting until Cas was at his side.

"May I… May I hold your hand as we walk?" Castiel asked, giving the boy an innocent smile.

Dean’s smile grew wider as he slipped his hand into his friend’s. “Yeah.”

Needless to say, Charlie was overjoyed when she saw what was going on between the two friends. “Oh my God,” she said when they met her in front of the clothing store from the day before, hand in hand. “You guys finally… Yes!”

Dean chuckled awkwardly and looked away. “Yeah.”

Charlie winced. “I was too loud on the phone yesterday, wasn’t I?”

"Yeah."

"Is that all you can say?" Charlie teased, nudging Dean in the shoulder as she urged them to enter the store with her.

"He’s been saying that a lot today," Cas said, turning to the boy holding his hand, "right Dean?"

"Ye- Shut up," Dean laughed.

Charlie took them straight to the deep blue dress she’d held up the day before and pulled it off the rack. “This one, see?”

Castiel tilted his head, letting go of Dean’s hand to walk closer to Charlie. He examined the dress with a frown and shook his head. “I dont think it’d look right with the flower crown.”

"It really wouldn’t." Both Charlie and Cas turned to stare at Dean, who shrugged. "What? I saw the damn thing, too, can’t I have an opinion?"

Castiel smiled. “Yes, you can.” He turned back to a frowning Charlie and nodded. “I  _do_  really like the dress, though, Charlie.”

The redhead grinned and shrugged. “You could always try it on and get another accessory here to go with it.” Charlie hurried over to the hair accessories and waved Cas and Dean over. “What about a simple flower clip?” She picked out a red one and held it up against the dress with a satisfied smile. “That looks nice, right?”

Cas considered it for a moment before nodding, taking the dress and hair clip from Charlie’s hands. “I’ll try it on,” he said, “but that doesn’t mean I’m getting it.”

Luckily, the mall they’d gone to was in a more liberal part of town, and the woman who got Cas into the fitting room didn’t give him a hard time for it. As Castiel was changing, Charlie explained that, the last time they’d gone shopping, it had been on the other side of town, and Cas had been glared at by several shoppers, and even some employees.

"That’s fucking stupid," Dean ranted. "What the hell, man? It’s a free goddamn country, and it’s nobody’s goddamn business. If I’d been there, I’d have-"

"Calm down, Dean," a deep, affectionate voice interrupted from behind him.

Dean spun on his heels to be met with the stunning sight of Castiel in a deep blue dress, and,  _wow_ , Charlie was right; that color made his eyes  _pop_. He stood dumbfounded for a moment and took in the sight before him. It didn’t just complement his eyes, it was perfect in contrast with his tanned skin and short, dark brown hair. Castiel had played with his hair and arranged it nicely so that the flower accented it just right. The dress hugged his body perfectly, and it was then that Dean realized that Cas shaved his legs. Well, he’d known that, since Cas was a swimmer, but he  _noticed_  it this time, and,  _holy shit_ , Castiel looked so smooth, so comfortable, so…  _pretty_. And it wasn’t weird, as Dean had expected it to be. “You. Look. Fucking. Perfect.” The boy was a bit surprised by his own words, but smiled when Castiel blushed. “I mean it.”

"You really do," Charlie agreed, nodding eagerly. "You should get it."

"I don’t want to pay for another outfit I don’t need, Charlie."

"I do," Dean decided, earning the attention of both his friends once again. He looked Castiel in the eye and smiled. "I want to buy it for you, Cas."

"You don’t have to," Castiel said sheepishly.

"I really think I do," Dean grinned. He was beginning to think he was more into Cas in dresses than  _Cas_  was, and,  _wow_ , who knew? “I mean,” he coughed, “y’know, if you want it.”

"I…"

"Good!" Dean pulled his wallet from his back pocket and waved Cas off to the fitting room. "Get dressed so we can buy this stuff and get outta here." The boy caught a brief glimpse of his friend beaming before he turned away, and that made the fifty bucks he was about to spend totally worth it. "I’m starving," he said to Charlie.

"We could grab a snack at the food court," she suggested. "I’ll buy."

"Cas, hurry up!" Dean said, only half joking. "Snacks are on Charlie!" He heard a chuckle and then a muffled "okay, Dean" before Cas stepped out in jeans and a tee he’d actually borrowed from Dean once and ended up keeping, conveniently "forgetting" to give it back. "See anything else you want?" Dean asked as they made their way to the register.

"Yes," Cas said as he took Dean’s hand in his. "You."

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really like to include more characters in the other fics, with more Sam, and Charlie, and bringing in others. Any requests? Perhaps another genderqueer character?


End file.
